guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
