I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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