don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize