I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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