I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize