hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
