I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
