I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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