good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
