K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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