Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
