So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
