Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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