You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
