yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
