I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
How's work?
Spinning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
