they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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