I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize