all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
