You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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