I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
