We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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