you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
