he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
