Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
