My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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