2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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