Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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