So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
