absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so let's talk penis.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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