That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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