So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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