Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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