it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
