I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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