first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
