GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
