The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
