You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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