i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
