i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
