but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
