After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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