Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
