There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
