i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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