just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
