elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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