Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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