have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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