You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
