she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
