Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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