It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize