I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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