1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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