ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
