Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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