Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
