Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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