then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
