You're earring is so big in my mouth
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
