I love having hate sex.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
