just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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