I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
