I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
