Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
