I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
