i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
