college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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